Ego Isn’t Just in the Room, It’s Running the Meeting

It’s not always loud or obvious.
Sometimes, it’s the way energy shifts when a leader speaks.
The pause before someone says something honest.
The tension you feel, but can’t quite name, when truth enters the room. 

I’ve worked in male-dominated spaces and female-led teams.
And here’s what I’ve come to see:
Ego doesn’t care about your job title or your values. It shows up anywhere connection feels risky. 

And when ego leads the way, collaboration, creativity, and psychological safety quietly slip out the back door. 

I Could Feel It, But I Couldn’t Name It 

At the moment, I often thought I was the problem.
I’d share something honest, a fact others were skirting around, and then immediately second-guess myself.
Did I say too much?
Was my tone off?
Should I have softened it? 

I didn’t lack insight. Or conviction.
What I lacked was emotional regulation and the tools to separate past pain from present tension. 

So I shrank back.
Acquiesced.
Let others steer the ship even when I felt the direction was off. 

Not because I didn’t care.
But because staying felt heavy. 

The Emotional Load Was Too Heavy 

Not because the work wasn’t meaningful.
But because I couldn’t carry the emotional load anymore. 

The quiet undermining.
The subtle exclusion.
The feeling of being too much for speaking the truth and not enough when I didn’t. 

I now understand that these patterns weren’t only endemic in workplace culture.
They were also about my own story, the unresolved parts of me that still sought approval, safety, and belonging. 

Ego wasn’t just a part of others.
It was in me, too. 

A Scarcity Mindset in Disguise 

So many leadership environments operate from a scarcity mindset, believing that if one person shines, someone else must step back. In these spaces, vulnerability is often seen as a weakness rather than a strength, and control is mistaken for effective leadership. This mindset influences how decisions are made, how people show up, and whether authenticity is welcomed or withheld. 

It’s not about gender; I’ve seen these dynamics play out across all kinds of executive teams.
And the cost is real. 

Great people leave.
Innovation slows.
Cultures lose their spark. 

And those of us who are seeing all this, especially the unseen ones, start to doubt ourselves.
Not because we’re weak.
But because we’ve never been taught how to name the hurt and stay in the room. 

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way 

What if leadership wasn’t about ego but about emotional maturity?
What if we created workplaces where we could be human first, titles second? 

Where leaders had the self-awareness to say,
“I don’t know. I need help. Let’s figure this out together.” 

What if we made it normal to talk about trauma and triggers?
About the weight we carry in silence? 

I wonder how many people are walking away, not because they’re incapable but because the environment doesn’t allow them to breathe. 

For the Ones Who Feel Too Much and Say Too Little 

This isn’t a judgment.
It’s an invitation. 

To reflect and ask: 

• Where is ego influencing decisions in your workplace? 

• Where might it be showing up in you? 

• What kind of culture do you want to be part of​ —​ and what’s one small way you can contribute to it? 

When I started doing this work ​—​ the inner work ​—​ everything shifted.
I no longer needed to be right.
I just needed to be real. 

That changed how I led.
And more importantly, it changed how I lived. 

If You Know This Feeling, You’re Not Alone 

You’re not alone. 

If you’ve ever left a job because the emotional burden was too high…
If you’ve ever stayed quiet when you had something important to say…
If you’ve ever felt like your value was tied to being agreeable, not impactful… 

I see you.
And I hope this post reminds you: 

There’s nothing wrong with you.
But there may be something worth healing. 

The workplace is not separate from our stories.
It’s one of the many places where those stories get activated. 

Let’s stop pretending otherwise.
Let’s lead and live from a place of truth. 

I’d love to hear your reflections whenever you’re ready to share.