Have You Considered the Impact of Feedback—or the Power of Metaphors in a Feedback Session?

There are unintended consequences to words that seem perfectly innocent but can have a deep and lasting impact.

Early in my career, I was given feedback that would shape my professional confidence for decades. I was called a “rough diamond.” The first time I heard it, I recall my manager praising my work, telling me how good I was at so many things—but then adding, “Unfortunately, you’re a rough diamond.” There was no real explanation of what that meant or how I could change it. The words stung, but at the time, I brushed it off as a minor bruise to my ego.

A couple of years later, another leader said the same thing—this time jokingly. Again, no explanation, no guidance, just another label.

It wasn’t until years later that I finally understood what they meant. They praised my achievements but also suggested that the way I communicated and executed my ideas—perhaps my overall approach—was unpolished. To them, this was constructive feedback, but to me, it became an identity I carried for years.

The Weight of a Label

That phrase—rough diamond—stuck with me throughout my professional career. And over time, it eroded my confidence.

Whenever I had to speak up in meetings, present ideas, or contribute on a global stage, that phrase echoed: “You’re a rough diamond. You’re never going to get it right. You’re never going to be polished enough.”

I eventually reached a low point in my career, feeling exhausted and lost, questioning who I was. And through all of that, those words—rough diamond—held power over me. Not because I wanted them

to, but because they had become a subconscious belief about my worth. It didn’t matter how much I tried to silence that voice inside my head; it had already shaped how I saw myself.

The irony? In trying so hard to be “polished,” I lost authenticity. My words didn’t always feel like my own because I was too focused on fitting in rather than embracing my natural expression.

Reframing the Label

It has taken me many years of inner work to reframe what a rough diamond means to me finally.

Yes, I may not be the most eloquent speaker, the most refined communicator, or the best at structuring my ideas in a way that fits corporate norms. But I now realise that being a rough diamond has strengths, too:

• I speak the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• I am not afraid to challenge the status quo.

• I do not seek popularity; I seek impact.

• And I will not compromise my integrity and values.

When I reflect on my journey—from growing up in apartheid South Africa to navigating spaces where I was constantly made to feel like I didn’t belong—I now realise that I was never given the tools to be a polished diamond. I had to figure it out myself. And while I may have once seen this as a weakness, I now see it as one of my greatest strengths.

Even today, I use Grammarly to help refine my writing—not because I doubt my thoughts, but because I acknowledge that my education and background didn’t naturally prepare me for the environments I now operate in. And that’s okay. The words I say and write and the ideas I share matter more than whether they are perfectly polished.

So, to the managers who called me a rough diamond and to every person who made me feel like I wasn’t quite good enough—I thank you. Because, in the end, I have embraced that identity on my terms.

The Power of Feedback: What We Say Matters

This journey has made me reflect deeply on the power of feedback and the metaphors we use. A simple phrase—unintended to harm—can shape someone’s confidence for a lifetime.

So I leave you with this question:

Have you ever considered the impact of feedback or the power of the metaphors you use in a feedback session? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever received a label that stuck with you? How did you navigate it? Let’s start a conversation.